To old friends

To an old friend.

There are times when I think, that I have been handed a bag of rotten tomatoes. But somehow I get soup. why is that? I have a 9 year old daughter that does not fit in with, the other girls in school. and feels that somehow this is her fault. That she needs the other girls to accept her. After the election she was expressing her opinon about what she felt was a bad choice of president elect. She believed that McCain was the better choice and that the other was a bad choice. I thought we had a right to say what we want to. But, my nine year old daughter was told she was wrong and she has been kicked out of the group of girls that she use to hang with.

I tryed to tell her that her light shines from within and not to let anyone else take that away from her. but to a young lady, who has more intelect that most adult's well, it's tough.

And as a father. It's not any better.

Going to spend time with her she is out of the shower.

Hope you read this John. And any father advise would be great.

Michael. Hopefully Your Friend.

Finding peace

How, do you find peace. A couple of weeks ago one of my co-workers got drunk and did something stupid. He got out his gun and started telling everone that he, (well he never really said I want to kill myself I guess it was just the action of putting the gun to his head that tipped us off) anyway,

We had a four and a half standoff which, might I add was a talk down. and it ended up with him getting the help he needed. He had a problem with his family and the way they had treated him. But somewhere in the middle of this I feel it could have ended up alittle different than it did. I know what he is going through and can feel his pain. I feel that if I would have just walked up to him I could have defused it sooner and with less attention, to say that the cops were called and then the swat team was called out and it turned out to be this long draw out ordeal was an understatement.

Which part of the story was alittle funny. here we are with a fireman with a gun to his head and then the cops show up and start surronding him and one of the cops has to use our ladder and climb the fence well the cop hands his assult rifle over to me while he climbs the fence and handed it back to him. Here was one fireman with a gun and the cops are handing another fireman a gun. how strange is that. just a little thought.

Anyway since I had that incident I find myself with trying to find my own peace. First of all No I don't not want to harm myself. It's not in my nature. and second my family will always come first. but now I have dug my own grave, sort to speak. I am at home with my family and I thought that was a peaceful thought. but to clear my mind of all the things that hurt me I find myself drowning out that pain with a couple of drinks. and when I am at work I lay awake for hours at night with the thoughts of how fast my life has gone by.

Thinking that now at 42 fixing to be 43 that so much of my life has gone and thinking about all the mistakes and wrong choices that I have made. I kinda know why we only get one chance at this game of life. I just have to keep looking for that peace, I know I will find it I just hope it's not to late.

Thanks for listening.

I have one last thing to share with you. for this blog. not the end just the end of the blog. Goodness have you not been listening. It's not like I am going to end this. That way. So here is my little thought for you. scroll down.

How do we see you.

How do we see you. that is something that tells a tale.

First I want to know what we are? can anyone define us. ? what are we. John. help me here.
When I look at the human body I see veins. I see structral bone parts. I see what most people see with out seeing. I wish I could let eveyone know what I see. But with that if I did let everone see what I see. I don't think they would look. For me life is not that easy. I know to much. and then again I don't know enought.

I wish that I could put into words what it means to be able to see past the skin. and show the real people. I hope that john read this and gives me a chance to put into words what I am all about and tell my story.

New Start

Well, I have ben off for awhile. I guess things are getting back to normal, as noral as they can be.
Christmas was great and a great start to the New Year.
Work is the same, people just don't get the meaning of Medical Emergency. but I am not here to discuss that.

I am working on making some changes to myself. I have great new ideals and things for myself. One is not letting anyone get to me and make me angry. and the other is self improvements.
Will try and keep you posted.